Why is it that I love you so much?

You stare at me with those muddy eyes
Brown pupils in a pool of a moist egg-white
Soot rims up to the eyebrows and down to your cheeks;
How many nights have you been up?
Tangling the neurons that make you free.

No, you should stop staring down at me!
I should erase those piercing glances
Boil them in rage and gulp them down;
Yet, the flame always reverses to blood
Mingling with the crimson of the raging fire.

You rest your chubby fingers on my waist
Bloated with your zeal to make love
Your naked flesh is crushing against mine
And I feel the sweet weight that pushes me down.

But, no! You should keep away your touch
Those bulgy fingers that would throttle my neck
I should purge my body and forget your touch
Shower, shower till the water begins to be tired
And tears that should remind me of hurts
That toppled the poignancy of desire
And turned it into an ugly display of power.

Yet, the fiery tears turn into ice
As they trickle down my thighs
And scream with an empty desire
Of the hope to be touched once more
And my body is now a frozen desert
Too chilly for me to be in it.

I surrender myself to the never-ending toxicity of you
To admit that even though you left,
I still feel you inside me
Festering like a wound.

You are the tinkling of a cow-bell deep down in my stomach
But, you are also the retching that spills our collective guilt
And makes up the bile of my liver;
Between what is lost and what will never be found
I have buried my love for you.

Yet, you are the blood,
You are the flame, the pus
And you are the frigidity that makes me wonder:
Why is it that I love you so much?